Midlife Magic: Eileen Caroscio on Finding Joy and Purpose After 40

Keith Haney: 00:00:59

My guest today, Eileen Carrasco, is a multi certified coach, author and a nurse. She is dedicated to helping individuals live their best life, especially those in midlife and beyond.

Referred to as the Midlife Muse, she engages you beyond your titles, jobs and formalities to get to the core of what will enrich your midlife, making it more resilient, meaningful and magical.

She she is co author the Amazon bestseller Midlife New Life, Living Consciously in Midlife and beyond, which focuses on the value of giving conscious thought to how you want to live out your second half of life. It emphasizes the importance of developing a plan for having more joy and resilience to bounce forward into a enriched future.

Eileen holds a bachelorette and math and Masters of Science degree in nursing with over 35 years of experience and 19 years of experience as a coach. In a free time, Eileen can often be found in nature.

She has a fondness for foxes and can be found with her camera capturing their antics and escapades. We welcome her to the podcast. Well, Eileen, how you doing today? Good to have you on the podcast.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:02:15

Thank you so much for the invite. I'm glad to be here and glad to talk with you and see where our conversation goes.

Keith Haney: 00:02:21

I don't know many people name Eileen. All I can think about is the song Come on Eileen. When I. When I see your name.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:02:28

Yes, yes. And people often have that as the song on their phone when I'm calling.

Keith Haney: 00:02:36

There you go. But I digress. So I'd like to ask my guest this question. What's the best piece of advice you ever received?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:02:48

So that's a very interesting question. So I'd like to share with you that I didn't receive this advice verbally.

It was an experience that I had, not particularly a good one, but it just became I realized it. So my father died when I was a teenager, suddenly of a heart attack. And I was like, oh my gosh, you know, this life is short.

And my father was a joyful man. So, you know, live life joyfully. I'm glad he lived, you know, every day happy for the most part.

The other was, oh my gosh, we have to prepare for this. We have to prepare for shielding ourselves from hurt and pain. We have to prepare for uncertainty.

So those two thoughts or advice or focus have been in my life all of my life, really well weaved into the fabric of who I am and how I show up in the world.

Keith Haney: 00:03:57

How old was your dad when he passed away, Just out of curiosity?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:04:00

He was in his 50s. He was 57, 58.

He Healthy man, he had some hypertension and he, he was a bit overweight and I would have loved to have seen him, you know, live longer. He just, that was, that was hard. So. Yeah, he was in his 50s.

Keith Haney: 00:04:23

Yeah. I was wondering because a lot of times things in our life, trauma or events shape what we end up doing in the future.

And I was wondering how much that impacted your book on Midnight New Life.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:04:34

So it did, it impacted, you know, that's what was my focus is helping people prepare for uncertainty. Not like over prepare because.

Which I was doing initially, but doing some preparation and then also trusting that, you know, do you have the skills and the talents and abilities and resources to help you move through?

Keith Haney: 00:04:59

Yeah. That's amazing. I love to ask my guest too, especially as we are in midlife now.

Who are some people in your life who served as a mentor, inspiration for you in your journey is a chance for you to kind of give them a shout out and thank them for having such an impact on you.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:05:18

Yeah. What a, what a nice question. So I would have to say my parents, they were both very kind people.

My father was a joyful, spontaneous, had good sense of humor and my mother was a planner and more serious. So I learned from them those traits, you know, joyfulness and planning and try to balance them out.

And then two more people, one was, is one is my husband. Wonderful support. He has a well balanced life, great model and always has been there for me and for many people.

And then also his mom, which was a very interesting lady, amazing lady. So she always had people coming to, to visit her people. She always had something in the oven.

I don't know, the oven was on 247 but there was always something coming out of the oven. There was always coff. And the joke was that she was born with potholder hands and a serve serving tray in her hands.

And what was neat about her was she, I guess she nurtured people in, in the conversations she had and she nourished people with her food. So her sense of hospitality is a, is another thing that I, I bring in to my personal and professional life.

Those people I stand on, on guess the shoulders of many mentors, but those four.

Keith Haney: 00:06:49

Well that's so cool. I love it. And you. And you brought in your mother in law. That's always kind of cool.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:06:54

Yeah. What a neat lady. And when she died there was hundreds of people get trying to get in to the church to pay respect.

She touched that many people's lives. What an interesting and kind lady.

Keith Haney: 00:07:08

See, that's what I want I want my funeral to be where it's at a stadium, but I don't know if that's going to happen.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:07:15

It might be. It won't for a long time.

Keith Haney: 00:07:19

That's right, exactly. Eileen, you've had a very rich and diverse career. A nurse, a coach, a new author.

What inspired your transition into coaching, particularly when you talk about midlife and beyond? We talked a little bit about, you know, your father, but what else kind of led you to this, this new avenue in your life?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:07:40

Yeah, yeah. So one of the things that I loved about my work, I worked at a hospital, 904 bed hospital, very big teaching hospital.

I loved the patients that I had. They were all midlife and beyond people. So I was familiar, you know, with their physical illness.

I was familiar with how things went around, how that illness impacted them. So that was one thing, the comfort with that. And also I saw technology coming in.

And so it's great to have technology for diagnosis and helping treat patients, but in the room, I actually had two patients. I had my patients who I wanted to direct my attention to, but I had the machine and I had to tend to the machine.

It's alarms, it's calling me, titrating the machine. So the technology kind of took me away from the most important person, even though it was an assistance there. The other thing was 9 11.

So I live in D.C. washington, Virginia area. Pentagon was like 10 minutes from our hospital. And 911 happened.

So people were more focused on not only, okay, I want to be healthier, I want to get better, but I want to. I want to do what's important, I want to have a meaningful life.

And then the last thing that inspired me was like, I thought was kind of a kick from somewhere, but I was in my garden. I was gardening. I don't. I really don't know what I tripped over, but I broke my wrist. I fell forward, I broke my wrist and I couldn't work.

And as a nurse in the hospital, and I developed complications. So I used that time I could use my left hand and I explored how could I expand my services to expand, you know, beyond the physical realm.

And I found coaching. And that's. That's how I got into it.

Keith Haney: 00:09:34

So you almost like tripped into coaching?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:09:36

Yeah. Yes. I guess it was meant to be. I felt like it was a nudge or maybe it was a. A kick forward, a whole new meaning.

Keith Haney: 00:09:46

To stumble into something. But yes. So you. You can. You have a neat title. The Midlife Muse. My. My title is kind of my own created title. The man, myth and legend.

But I'm curious about your title. How did you come to up with that, Tyler, and kind of tell us what it means for you.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:10:09

Okay, so that title or phrase came about. I was teaching a class, and it was called Creative Life Design for those in Midlife and Beyond.

And I had taken a lot of creativity classes, and I'm gonna.

I said that, you know, I have, you know, writing prompts and I have exercises, and this is going to tap into your creativity because that's where all the fun is. And so I said, this will be like accessing your own personal muse. And so one person says, oh, well, you're our midlife muse.

I was like, oh, that's kind of neat. And so it kind of stuck. And then another client who never took this class had said that to me. And I thought, there's. There's some. There's.

There's something there.

And then for me, it just means that I help people just discover what's important to them, what's fun, what will have their life being more alive for them.

Keith Haney: 00:11:06

I love that. So your new book, you co author with others, the Midlife New Life, Consciously Living and Midlife Emphasizes kind of living consciously.

What does that look like in practical terms to people who are either on the doorsteps of midlife or kind of right smack dab in the middle of midlife?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:11:26

Yeah. Yeah.

So Paul Ward, who had the idea for writing this book, and Sandy Demer is my co writers, we believe about it's not just being on autopilot because we've lived so much time and now we have time left. And so we want to be conscious. We want to be intentional about what that next life looks like and designing it.

And so it can be very, you know, practical. So you can expand it. So one is like a conscious check in. So let's say Keith career.

And you have something, you know, some questions about where to go forward and live consciously in that area. You do a conscious check in. You know, what's important to me now? How will this impact other areas of my life, how I make decisions?

How will that play out? So that's maybe like a short check in, a conscious check check in. And then we developed a wheel which was called a conscious living wheel. And it.

It's 11 spokes to that wheel with our life purpose right in the middle of that. And so you could expand that to look at your whole life practical and saying, oh, what do I want to do in career?

What do I want to do in relationships? You know, how Is this now? And how would it be?

And then because our wheel has 11 components or spokes to it, I mean you could expand it and take the whole year and say, okay, for the month of January, I'm going to start out with career or I might want to say, I want to do some things with my health. And so that's the practicality of it. You look to see where the gap is and then you create your, your vision.

Keith Haney: 00:13:08

What was it like writing a book with other authors? I mean, I did my own and it was just me had to fight with myself about creative ideas here and there.

But what's it like writing, co authoring a book with other people?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:13:21

Yeah, that's a very good question. So it was very positive.

Like I said, Paul had the idea and he had 35 people that he, he put out an email, says, I'm interested in writing a book with others and I'm looking for two, you know, co authors. And he had 35 people. And I would say that Paul was kind of an alchemist because he picked to Sandy and I to, you know, to work with him.

We're all, you know, equal partners in this, but we all have different personalities and we all had different specialties. But somehow, you know, we got along really well. We met initially, we met every Monday and you know, for hours and we worked on things.

It was a lot of work. It was a lot of joy. There were things that we didn't agree on and we felt we had a two to one type of decision making.

But for the most part it was a very good experience. And I know not everybody has that, but I like my colleagues and we worked hard to get that end result and I think it was positive.

And there's still things to figure out as we go forward with marketing of our book and presenting.

Keith Haney: 00:14:42

So you have 11 chapters, kind of like 11 spokes in your wheel. Of those spokes, which one resonates most with you?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:14:50

Oh, resilience.

That goes back to, you know, how are we going to prepare and figure things out and how can we soften those really sharp edges of some changes that are, that are painful and some of them are about our impermanence.

Keith Haney: 00:15:08

I love that. So how's your book being received? I, I saw some of the reviews. You had a lot of really great reviews in the book.

How's it being received in the world now?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:15:19

Thank you. Yeah, the book is doing well. It's re being received well. We're getting a lot of good comments about it, how it's helpful.

I Just came back from a place called Chautauqua Institution and, and presented a three day class on what else? Resilience. And that went over really well. People wanted me to sign their book. So I'm happy with the results.

And that's important to us because we have a message that, you know, midlife is a time to, for possibilities and you know, what can we do with that? What could I. Okay, so when I work with my clients, I always have like a little, you know, canvas.

Keith Haney: 00:16:03

Oh, that's so cute.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:16:06

And what are we going to put on it? We all have our, you know, skills and talents and life experience. So it's not an empty canvas.

But you know, you might want to rearrange things and move things around and add things and take these, take things off.

Keith Haney: 00:16:21

Can you, can you think of a story of a client you work, you've coached with some of the things you're learning in midlife that resonates with you about how they receive things, information or progressed?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:16:34

Yeah, that's, that's a, a good question.

I work with people sometimes in the intelligence community, so they're very focused on mission, they're very hard working people and their identity is very much tied up with who they are. So it takes a while for, for them to kind of think about who they might be without their work because they are their work.

They've done very well with that and, and all other areas of different types of work. And let's see, do I, I don't necessarily want to identify a.

Keith Haney: 00:17:18

No, you don't want to do that.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:17:22

Yeah, but it's making it fun. And so I'm a list person. I get a lot done with lists and I took a lot of creativity classes because there's more than one right answer.

There's more than one way to figure out what to do. And creativity is like the magic potion to get you there. So allowing them to tap into their own creativity and think of ways to, to do that.

So I may suggest, hey, you know, why don't you go and take a field trip to a bookstore and see what interests you because they've been so busy, they've been overseas, they don't, they haven't really thought about themselves. They just know they don't want to do what they're doing any, anymore.

And so thinking of positive ways, different books, they like experiences to get them out of their mind and more into fun.

Keith Haney: 00:18:21

Are you discovering that your clients maybe more than anything else. There's one common hurdle that most people face with this whole midlife Transition.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:18:34

Yeah. That's interesting. That's an interesting question, Keith.

Identity perhaps is a real challenge just because I think maybe the area where I live, where people are very, I don't want to say workaholics, but very focused on, on their work and, and left other components of that wheel, like relationships, like fun, like creativity, like maybe saving or helping, you know, humanity.

And this is where they can take all of their, their talents and their skills and their ability and, and because they want to do something, they're doers, but they also want to enjoy life. And so as you're, you are a bridge builder. You can be a bridge builder to others, you can help people or have a special cause.

And they like that idea, like moving forward to helping, being a mentor or civic engagement, a community garden. People have a lot of different talents that they can bring from their past.

But identity, I guess what would be, you know, the, the issue who they want to be, how do they want to spend their time, purpose and meaning.

Keith Haney: 00:19:47

So you are just become an Amazon best selling author. Congratulations on the work that you did.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:19:53

Thank you.

Keith Haney: 00:19:54

What's been the most surprising part about that aspect of publishing the book?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:20:00

About, like publishing the book.

Keith Haney: 00:20:02

Oh, about becoming, becoming a best selling author.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:20:05

Oh, okay I guess is the idea of writing a book in itself. It was a four year journey for us. A lot of work, a lot of research.

We, we interviewed more than 50 people and that was very interesting and exciting to, to listen to people's stories. And then so that, you know, writing journey was four years and then we were like yay, we, we did it. We. Look what we did.

We, we, we published that book and it's out there and it's doing well. But there's another part is marketing and sharing what you, you do.

And so we find that, you know, doing podcasts and like talking to people like you, Keith, about the value we feel we, we bring with our books. So that's a new, a new path and we're always learning and seeing how that goes. It's been fun.

It's also been a challenging and you know, finding the, the right podcast and yours is, is very good because you have a lot of, of interesting people that come with different, like about uniting our nation, about. I like the idea of bridge building so finding the ones that resonate with us and with people that we're trying to reach.

Keith Haney: 00:21:35

So for the young writer who's out there, who's about to publish, what advice do you have for, for young authors?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:21:44

That's an, that's A good one, too. So advice for young authors is. Is to do it. You. You have probably a lot to contribute. Find out. There's, you know, we.

We have access now to the inter Internet to find out, you know, what is your area of expertise and, and share that. Even if it's a small book, it's a way to start. There's a lot of writing support groups out there. There's writing prompts, there's.

There's writing groups that you can share your writing with. So, yeah, do it. It's a create creative thread that, you know, you can share with, you know, your family, your friends, and you can add to it.

You can have a series, you have a podcast.

Keith Haney: 00:22:31

You can have a podcast.

So for the person who is midlife and they're feeling stuck right now, and they're just kind of coming to you going, is there just a small step I can take to just get out of this feeling of just being stuck in one place?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:22:50

Well, I have. My initial thought was, oh, gosh, do something fun. Get out of the house and, And. And get away from it.

And then the other thing, the other part is like the plan part. Just take a sheet of paper and see what is important to you now. What is important to you. You. You. You write those down. And that can be your.

Your compass, because that can be your values. We operate from our values, what's important to us, and that will lead, you know, to your next step. Oh, how could I. That's important to me.

So how could I. I follow music, the path of music. What could I do with that? Or I like to read or like to help, you know, young kids, you know, develop skills in acting.

It could be any, anything, but whatever, like, makes you feel alive and, and write that down. And I, I use this in my classes, but Martin Luther King said, you know, you don't have to see the whole darn staircase.

Just see the first step to get you going. And that could be a good first step for you.

Keith Haney: 00:24:00

I love it. So. Well, something new I've started on a podcast this year is we. We have a surprise question.

You have to pick a number between 1 and 4 for your surprise question.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:24:10

Oh, wow. Any number. So I'm gonna say four.

Keith Haney: 00:24:18

All right, number question number four. If you were stranded on a desert island and you could choose one person to keep you company, who would it be?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:24:30

Oh, that's a. That's an interesting one. I would say my husband. I mean, he's a great guy. He's a lot of fun. We have a Lot of conversation together. He loves nature.

We're. He has a lot of interest. So I'd say my husband.

Keith Haney: 00:24:50

That's a good, safe one.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:24:52

Yeah. Yeah. Number four was pretty good. Oh, Keith.

Keith Haney: 00:25:04

Oh, my word. So what does a magical look midlife look like to you? If you're trying to define it for yourself, what does a magical midlife look like for you?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:25:15

Yeah, Yeah, I would say is doing what I love to do, which is my passion. My passion project is working with people with. Figuring out what do they want to do next and. And allowing.

Not allowing them, but providing a platform for them to. To think creatively. But it also is like sprinkling, you know, your day with fun things. So simple, simple things that don't cost anything.

Going out at night, looking at the stars. The other night, we have fireflies or lightning bugs, whatever you call them. But oh, my gosh, you cannot capture them on camera. They're too magical.

But they light up the sky and the fields, and I'm. I'm in awe over that. So those types of things just, you know, with nature. I love going to new restaurants.

We tried a new Indian restaurant the other day. Different foods, great conversations with people. You know, I'm always curious about what motivates person. How did you decide this versus this?

How did you get there? How did you choose that? So great conversations. Just adding those things that you love. And so for me, that's what it looks like.

What does it look like for you? Number one question. There's a question for you.

Keith Haney: 00:26:40

That's a good question. For me, it's. I'm learning to. I'm kind of reflecting back on because I just finished my doctorate degree in my. In my midlife. So I guess it's part of.

Part of my midlife crisis. I wasn't really planning on doing that.

So now I'm deciding, you know, what do I do with all this education I just spent the last three years getting so I wanted. My new book was like, I need to put this into a format that people want to read.

Nobody wants to read my dissertation with all the different charts and all that, unless you're a geek. So how do I communicate this in a way that people can take it and actually utilize all the things that I learned?

So I'm trying to figure out how to do that in my next phase of life.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:27:22

Yeah, well, what would make it fun?

Keith Haney: 00:27:24

That means that is fun because I'm trying to solve a problem that I've been working on for most of my. My career of how to help Churches to make changes effectively. So.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:27:35

Yeah. Well, it sounds like that book is. Is. Is going to be.

Is a really good one because you talk about how they were resilient and how more people were coming back into the church. And I want to read about it so in my next. In my interview with you.

Keith Haney: 00:27:53

Yeah, there you go. In our interview together, right?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:27:56

Yeah.

Keith Haney: 00:27:58

So, Eileen, as you think about your midlife journey, what do you want your legacy to be?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:28:08

I want. Want my legacy to be that I made a difference in people's lives. So as a nurse, I, I lighten the load. I made their recovery smoother, easier.

I helped them be more resilient. I hope that my legacy would be.

I helped them also people that in midlife, to be bridge builders to the next part of their life where they can have maybe more of like a life designed on purpose, the intentionality of it.

And also, you know, we accumulate items, things, but we also accumulate gifts and talents and skills and knowledge and to share from that overflow and to bring it forward and give it back and be a bridge builder to maybe a mentor, because you certainly get and receive more than you. You give in these experiences for. For sure. So that's what I'd like my legacy to be.

Keith Haney: 00:29:16

That's great. So as you wrap up our conversation, what key takeaways do you want to leave with the midlife crisis people in your.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:29:26

Well, midlife is not always a crisis. It can be a crossroads. It can be an invitation to see what you might want to create and put on your. Your canvas.

So the, the takeaway is don't miss it. It's an opportunity like 19, 24, 100 years ago, we were probably living to 55. Now we have 30 more years or 25 to 30 more years.

So they're bonus years. What will you do with them? They're. They're for you. They're a gift of, of time.

And if you're intentional, you can get more of what you want or just to think about it to. To make good on that gift you got and enjoy it.

Keith Haney: 00:30:16

So where can people, where can people find your book the Midlife New Life and connect with you on social media?

Eileen Caroscio: 00:30:23

So the book is at Amazon and it's at Barnes and Noble and I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on X, I'm on Facebook and that they could reach me@passageways coaching.net and I'm very open to, you know, conversation or, or questions. So they can email me at Eileen E I A L E E N atpassageways coaching.net.

Keith Haney: 00:31:00

Well, Eileen, thanks so much for writing this book, helping us all to remember that we do have purpose.

And if we find that purpose, identify with that, it makes that midlife transition a little bit easier for us as we can pour into something new, the next chapter of our life, and live out Those next, hopefully 30 years or so more fruitfully and more enjoyably.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:31:22

Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you.

I also want to share that if people wanted to take the thinking on midlife further, that if they go to midlife new life.net they can download a free chapter and they can also download. There are about 20 questions, but they're like five from each chapter to be more reflective.

And so that would be something that, you know, you could take it further and. And see where that goes. This has been. This has been great. I enjoy talking with you, Keith. I really have.

And I wish you the best, and I thank you for the invitation. And this has been fun.

Keith Haney: 00:32:03

Well, thank you. I appreciate that. I like it when my guests say it's fun, as opposed to almost the worst 30 minutes of my life.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:32:11

That would not be fun.

Keith Haney: 00:32:17

Well, Eileen, blessings on the work that you guys have done. You guys have put together a phenomenal resource for.

For those of us who are going through midlife and looking forward to it and enjoying the time that God has given us.

Eileen Caroscio: 00:32:29

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Well, I wish you well, and I look to read more about you and your book, too.

Keith Haney: 00:32:37

Thank you. I appreciate it.