Resilience and Recovery: Dr. Ruth Hephzibah's Approach to Grief Support
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah's journey epitomizes resilience and transformation, emerging from profound personal loss to dedicate her life to the realms of psychosociological rehabilitation and grief support. Having founded Grief to Grace International, she has dedicated herself to helping individuals navigate the complexities of loss and trauma. Her expertise is further encapsulated in her literary work, "A Pen that Rewrites Grief," and her engaging podcast, through which she extends hope and healing to those in need. Dr. Hephzibah's profound understanding of grief, borne from her own experiences, enables her to offer invaluable guidance and support to others navigating similar pathways. In this discussion, we delve into her impactful initiatives, the nuances of psychosocial rehabilitation, and the essential tools she employs to facilitate healing in those confronting grief.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah's odyssey, characterized by resilience and transformation, serves as the focal point of our enlightening discourse. With a profound commitment to the realm of psychosocial rehabilitation, Dr. Hephzibah has dedicated her professional life to the intricate nuances of mental health and grief support. Her journey commenced with the profound personal loss of her husband, an event that catalyzed her transition from a career in IT to her true calling in psychosocial rehabilitation. This episode delves into the genesis of her nonprofit organization, Grief to Grace International, along with Echoes of Life and Spice, which collectively assist individuals grappling with the tumultuous waves of loss and trauma. Dr. Hephzibah's experiences not only shape her professional engagements but also imbue her narrative with a sense of authenticity and hope, making her insights invaluable for those traversing similar paths of grief.
Throughout our conversation, we explore the intricacies of psychosocial rehabilitation, a field that blends psychiatric understanding with social support mechanisms. Dr. Hephzibah elucidates her methodology, emphasizing the importance of personalized plans that cater to individual needs. By employing a variety of coping strategies, including mindfulness and journaling, she aids her clients in navigating their emotional landscapes. Her approach is underscored by a profound understanding of grief's complexities, as she articulates how unresolved grief can manifest in various forms, including substance misuse and anxiety. This discussion not only highlights the practical aspects of her work but also offers a poignant reminder of the healing power of compassion and connection in the face of profound loss.
As the conversation culminates, we reflect on the key principles outlined in Dr. Hephzibah's book, 'A Pen that Rewrites Grief.' This work offers structured guidance for those grappling with loss, providing practical exercises that encourage self-reflection and emotional expression. The central tenet of our dialogue is the assertion that healing is attainable, with Dr. Hephzibah advocating for acceptance, self-discovery, and the importance of sharing one’s experiences. Her journey serves not only as a beacon of hope for those in mourning but also as a compelling reminder of the strength that lies within the human spirit to overcome even the most profound of losses.
Takeaways:
- Dr. Ruth Hephzibah's journey exemplifies resilience, illustrating the transformative power of grief support.
- She founded Grief to Grace International to assist individuals dealing with trauma and loss effectively.
- A Pen that Rewrites Grief serves as a guide for healing, offering practical interventions for grief management.
- Ruth emphasizes the importance of acceptance and forgiveness as crucial steps in the healing process.
- The podcast highlights various forms of grief, advocating for a compassionate approach to those suffering.
- Listeners are encouraged to share their stories and seek support through community, fostering healing and understanding.
Transcript
My guest today, Dr. Ruth Hepzibah. This journey is one of resilience and transformation.
Born with a passion to serve, she pursued a career in psr, psychosociological rehabilitation, dedicating her life to mental health and grief support. Her career in nonprofits led her to found Grief to Grace International, Echoes of Life and Spice each, helping individuals face loss and trauma.
As author of A Pen that Rewrites Grief and host of Grief to Grace podcast, Dr. Ruth offers hope and healing. Having faced personal losses, she channels her experiences to uplift others.
She's a worship leader, mother of four, an advocate. She's a beacon of grace and compassion. We welcome her to the podcast. Well, Ruth, welcome to the podcast. How you doing today?
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Oh, I'm great, and you?
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:I'm doing great. It's good to have you on. Looking forward to this discussion.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Yeah, me too.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:So I love to ask my guest this question, what's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:The best gift of advice I think I've ever received is someone that was my brother. He told me, you got it all, you know, and you can keep moving irrespective of what you've been through. I know you got it all and you can keep moving.
So I think that thing really kept me moving in all that I've been through. So most times when I remember it and I'm like, oh yeah, Ruth, you got it all, you know, you gotta keep moving. And it keeps me moving.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:Yeah, that's good, that's good advice because tomorrow's going to come whether you wanted to or not, right?
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Yeah, that's it.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:So I'm curious, what, tell us about your journey that inspired you to pursue a career in psycho. Psychosocial rehabilitation.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Oh yeah. My journey into psychosocial rehabilitation actually started after I lost my husband.
So before then though, I have always had my non profit, which is spy, special Initiative for Children Empowerment right there in Africa.
And I used to do a lot of psychosocial work, you know, but it wasn't really like as intense as it is now because then I used to do it because I was a community director and all of all that.
But when my husband passed and I needed to build up a career, I got a job then in a, in a firm and my boss then told me that because I got a job, actually become an IT consultant. So I got an IT job. And while I was doing the job in between my job, I was also, he was training me to be a case manager because it was a health firm.
And I realized That I also had a plan for psychosocial, which I've always been doing, you know. So one day he called me and he was like. I meant. Right? He was like, ruth, what really do you want to do?
And I said, I think I want to pursue my career and continue with what I've been used to.
So I think I'll prepare to go into the psychosocial world because it resonates more with me because I'm one person that is so compassionate and I try to help people get out of wherever they are in and help them get refreshed. That. And that's what I've always been doing for over 20 years of my life.
So I don't think this IT thing is really going to work for me or being a manager and doing this job sitting in the office is going to work for me. And we sat back and discussed together and realized that really that was the best part.
And I was really more interested because most of the clients are people who are dealing with suds. And there must be something under. There must be an undertone, why they had to go into what they do.
So my journey actually began because I realized that most times when I meet with my clients, there's something on the. There is really a reason people don't just go into drugs and start making wrong choices. They make those choices because they.
There was something that was unresolved and that was really like an unresolved grief that became complicated that people maybe family members or maybe sometimes trauma, and they just feel like nobody really cared about them and they got involved.
And my job basically is to just to help them find a fresh path, guide them through, work with them like a buddy and help them navigate their journey and to the glory of God.
It's really been working because I keep having clients who keep living whatever that have really progressed in their journey, that when they look back they can actually say, yes, I've actually progressed in my journey. And that is what gives me joy.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:So I've never heard of the term psychosocial. So tell us a little bit about what it is, how you help your clients work through the issues they're dealing with.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Okay. Psychosocial is like a blend of psycho, the psychiatric and the social part of life. So this mostly every one of us have.
Most people have needs, you know, psycho, psychiatric needs. We either maybe battling with anxiety or just something depression, some social anxiety, just a lot that people go through.
So what I do, my job is to help people and blend in between. So help them find a path Teach them their social skills that they'll be able to use to, to navigate life.
So I teach them those skills that they need in their journey. So for instance, if you're battling grief, for instance, no, you, there are just.
You have withdrawals, you have so much you keep battling with, right? You don't want to interact with people, you don't want to go out, you don't, you can't even stand up.
So my job is to help you with the skills that you need at that point that, that can help you move, at least get out of your bed. The tools, the interventions. So we draw up a plan that works for you. So every client and everyone is different. Everybody's journey is different.
So for instance, if you have anxiety, what I'll do as a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist is to help you draw up a plan and help you with your anxiety coping skills. And we, we look at it together, we find out what do you need in this journey?
What are those things you like, you know, that can help you when you are in this mood? What do you need in your journey that can help you get this thing? At least recite it and keep you going. So for some people, it's music.
So for some people is writing music. Some, some people is journaling. And some other people will tell you, I don't have. So we look, come in between.
I come in between to help them now say, okay, when you listen to music, are you always calm? And they say, yes. Okay, that's one of your coping skills, you know, do you like going out maybe for window shopping, taking a walk?
You know, they say, yes, when I take a walk. It helps me move well. It helps me get a balance of. Okay, then we put it down. You like writing stories. Maybe you can share your story.
Maybe you can write it. You can put down your story. Maybe you need to write a letter to your mom. Maybe you need to write a letter to your sister.
You know, so we give you those plans. So then you, then we look at mindfulness. Okay, maybe you need your breathing exercises that can help you.
So I teach them a lot of breathing exercises or mindfulness.
You know, as a Christian, most times I teach them the Christian way of navigating, using mindfulness to actually ease their tension and their stressors. So when we identify those traces, then we'll be able to now find a plan that works for you. So basically that's my job. So I'm like a pal.
I'm like a body. I help. Most times I go with them to the grocery Stores.
I can go with you to the library, just help you develop some hobbies and other stuff, things that. That can keep you going in your everyday journey. So that's what I do.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:Oh, okay. That's really cool. I didn't know that's. That's something new for me. I learned something new today.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Yeah. Thank you.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:So what lead led you to find grief to Grace International?
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Yes. What helped me to find grief to Grace International is because of the journey that I've been through.
You know, in:We've already booked everything for our vacation, just like this season. And he was supposed to come over from Africa and we were supposed to go to some destinations. We had it all planned out.
We'll go to Disney, we'll go to this. We wrote a lot of bucket list that we're supposed to do. And, you know, when he came, we went to pick him up from the airport.
He said he had pains in the stomach. And that was when our journey started. So I didn't know that I was having issues with grief at that point. I thought he was the one.
In fact, I really didn't understand what grief was, you know, so most times I'm like, you just have to take it slow. And sometimes he comes to me and he's like, you need to take it slow, because I feel you need to slow down. I think you are grieving.
grieving. So Fast forward to:And it was like my whole world crashed, and I didn't know how to navigate it. I was in denial. I refused to accept it, you know, just so much. And at some point in the journey, I died.
You know, like, I always tell people within the period that I refused to accept. Accept it. I died. He was. When he passed, I didn't know. So I was in denial, basically. I didn't know how to navigate it.
And it was during COVID Covid was just residing at that point, and there were no resources. And so I have four kids, and we all had to battle ourselves through the grave. And it was really tough for us when. I mean, it was. Stop.
I mean, it was tough.
So when during that period, God gave me a message and I started Echoes of Life, which was a grief and cancer nonprofit where so gathered a group of people together and that we also grieving and we were talking about grief and helping ourselves. So along this year, I got a different message, that I should separate them.
So I should have one session for grief so I can concentrate on grief and the other one for cancer. And that was what we did. So grief to Grace actually was born out of Echoes of Life. And it is a platform where we help people navigate grief.
Because this grief journey is really very tough and a lot of people don't know how to navigate it. And if you don't know how to navigate it, it becomes complicated. And when it becomes complicated, you can really.
It brings a lot of issues like anxiety, just so much, even dead illnesses. I got a lot from grief. I had a lot of health issues from grief. I had ptsd. I had just so much that I get from grief.
And it just took the grace of God to be healed from them. I had eating disorder, I had allergies. I've never had allergies before. Within that period, I was diagnosed of over 200 allergies. Yeah.
But God healed me of all of this. And I'm so grateful to God for what he did.
And that was why we had to start off grief to grace and grief to group so people can share their stories, people can talk about their problems, and we can actually concentrate on grief. Because grief is something that affects a lot of people, not just people who lost their husbands, wives, spouses or.
But you lost your job, you've lost anything in this life. You know, your pet, your, even your life. Because I lost my life. I lost myself. I lost my self esteem, I lost everything.
I thought I could never move on again. I could never be great again. I could never be who I am again, you know? But God gave me a different name and kept me going.
And that is why I talk about grief.
And I set up Grace to Grace International and so far to the glory of God, we've been able to impact people positively in the lives of a lot of people, both children, adults, everyone. And with all the testimonials we get every time, it keeps me going, you know.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:Wow. So tell me about your book, A pen that rewrites grief.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Okay. A pen that rewrite grief is the interventions I used when I got myself, when I came to consciousness.
The consciousness that, oh, you need to get back on your feet and you need to know right now that you must be who you were born to be, who you were before you ever met Emmanuel. So. And before anything ever happened to you.
So those interventions are the things I compiled and I put them up in a 60 day guide because it actually took me like 60 to 90 days to get out of grief to be. To start becoming who I am today. So. And I tell people healing is possible and a fresh start is possible.
So the pen that rise grief is that book that you need in your journey is the book. It has a lot of interventions. It has like devotionals where we talk to you about.
It's just a very short, you know, when you're breathing you don't need something that is too long.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:Right, exactly.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Short. So it's a short passage, a very short message that for your day. So there are days even in the book that we know you may not want to stand up.
So they are not like lengthy things. They are very simple task that keeps you going. So okay, like we have some that you just need to write a letter.
We have some that you need gratitude to write about what you're grateful for. We have some other parts that you need to write the things that has affected you and kept you in the sport.
Just so many interventions because I believe I learned how to journal in my grief and it helped me in my journey. So. So it's more like a journal helping people to learn and journaling.
So when you writing down these things because I believe so much that what you put down it takes it out of your heart. So when you write it down you are relieving yourself of a lot of things. So that is what a pen that will write grief does.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:So if you have a friend who's dealing with grief, I know a lot. I've talked to a lot of people who are either have someone who's grieving or and they want to help. Oftentimes they don't know exactly what to do.
Is there advice for someone who has a friend who's grieving? Maybe some best practices and some don't do that kind of a thing.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Yes, there are a lot of don't do that. A lot of don't do that that you need to do.
Yes, I tell you because one thing that is very common is people telling you don't worry, you know, it happened for a reason. Really. So God hates me so much that he had to bring this my way. You know, I think that's one word that people should not use. Oh God.
God has a plan for you. This shouldn't be part of those plans.
Even if we all know that God has a plan now I know that God had a plan all this while, you know, for allowing whatever happened to happen. But it's not for you at that point that I was grieving to tell me that, right? Yes. When you tell me that, it means that God hates me.
God doesn't like me and he can take me so far away from God, you know, so those. There are so many words we shouldn't use at all.
Or when you're talking to someone that is grieving, what the person that is grieving needs from you is very simple. A listening ear. He's not asking for any advice from you. He just needs a shoulder that or a. A shoulder that he can lean on. He needs a listening ear.
If someone that would just sit there like a dummy and listen.
So when you finish, so I can run and pour out all that is in my heart and tell you how much I hate God, how much I hate the process, how much everything is not working, how much I'm dying, how much I just feel I'm going to kill myself. So I'll be able to open up to you. I just need someone that has a listening ear.
But if you keep interrupting, then it means that I'm not going to ever talk again. Because at point I don't trust nobody. I don't trust you, I don't trust anyone. I believe where you are all the same.
So I just need someone who will be able to listen to me and just tell me, pray with me, guide me in the journey. So, oh, after all I've said, all, oh, okay, thank you, sister. Can I just have a word of prayer with you? And you just pray for peace, that's all.
I'm looking for someone that can just pray that, oh, I God, please can you grant root peace in her journey? Can you guide her through this journey and be her guiding? That's all. So that's all that person needs.
But as the person keeps progressing, then things can begin to change. So in that journey, you just keep your ears listen.
Then if you have some books, some music, you know, because it's when you listen you want to know the general of what the person wants to listen to. So then you can share those kind of music to them. Okay, I like listening.
There was times when I love listening to memories, you know, and I think it's from morning to night. Then there were times when I wanted to listen to surrender, you know, I want to surrender my life and everything to God.
There were times when I just felt like I needed to just give everything totally and lean on God. There were times I felt, oh no God, you've not been fair and I needed to listen to songs that, or watch movies or something.
So there were times I had to just watch faith movies. So you can suggest those movies all the time for someone that is running, someone that is craving.
Just suggest those kind of faith based movies that talks about their kind of journey. Or a lady that lost her husband and found grace at the end. A lady that lost a child and found purpose at the end. You know, just something like that.
Or someone that was in a relationship and the relationship started somehow and found love again. You know, that's what you need to do. So depending on what the person is going through, you can use those interventions for them.
Then you can also introduce them to journaling. Right. Why don't you write a story? Why don't you just write to God? All these things you poured out. Take this book, right?
You know, the more they keep writing, they cry along the way. They do all sorts. But I tell you, the person will continue writing and begin to find purpose, begin to find grace.
Okay, why don't you write all the bad things that has happened to you from the beginning of this year? Then on the other side, can you think of some good things that also happened in your journey?
You know, as they are writing, they begin to be thankful to God because they begin to realize that, oh, there were times I couldn't pay my rent, but God came through. There were times I couldn't stand up, I thought I was going to die.
I actually took a knife, but I did not kill myself because somebody opened the door. So those are things we should do.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:Well, that's very helpful. You also have a podcast also called Grief to Grace. So what kind of topics if someone goes to looks up their podcast, will they find on that podcast?
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Yes, we talk about everything. Grief, how people were able to navigate grief and find purpose. So it's just more like storytelling.
So in my podcast we've had people talk about grief on nutrition, on losses that they've ever been through. We have cases of abuses, we've had homelessness, we've had, you know, just a lot.
You know, most times people believe that grief is just because you lost your spouse or your child or something. No, you know, we've had cases.
A lot of people, I think we've had like five or six people who have shared religious grief, you know, grieving religion and all the abuses they got in there. Some people identity problems.
I, you know, some people don't like their names and they never leave their purpose because of that and the grief, the names that God gave to them at birth, you know, there are just so much people, like I always say in my podcast, this is always a different kind of grief because we always have a different kind of grief every day there.
So those that are battling and maybe drugs, substance abuse, and different fun purpose in it, because most times when you battling with those addictions is because you are grieving something. And sometimes some of them really didn't have anything they were grieving, but they didn't just know how to leave it.
And so if you go through my podcast, you'll see different kinds of stuff, stories, just so many kinds of stories. And it's really been sighting even to me, because it made me realize that really is by God's grace that we live in.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:That's amazing. I'd love to ask my guest this question.
Since you've been through so much and you've done so much to help people who are dealing with grief and resilience, what do you want your legacy to be?
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:What do I want?
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:What do you want your legacy to be?
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Oh, I want my legacy to be that if I'm gone tomorrow, I want people to remember me for one thing, that I was able to make a mark. I was able to help people move from grief to grace. I was able to help people find pain and purpose in their pain.
That I was not judgmental, irrespective of all that people go through. I try my best not to be judgmental and I fight and I help them find a voice when they are being judged. That's what I want people to respect.
Remember me.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:That's great. As we wrap up our conversation. This is very helpful, I think, with people who are dealing with grief.
What key takeaways do you want the audience to gather from our conversation?
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Yes, I want people to understand that a fresh start is possible. I didn't know that before, and that was what kept me stuck in one place. I was so stuck that I tried everything to rise. And I never rose.
But I now realize that there are just three ways, just three things you need to do to be able to rise from grief, to be able to rise from whatever you're going through. And it's very simple. The first one is acceptance. Acceptance and forgiveness. So you need to accept the situation.
You need to accept what you've been through. You need to accept what you are going through right now. You need to forgive the situation.
You need to forgive whatever caused it and whoever caused it. Then you now need to discover yourself. That's the second part. You need to now be you. I call it be you. They are just three Bs, you know, so be you.
Which means that you need to become who you originally were created by God to be. So you need to now discover those things you have undermined in your process and begin to move, make a move towards them.
Begin to build your identity back, begin to have self esteem again. Begin to create a life goal, a life plan.
It's not so easy to get all these things done, but taking it one day at a time, as simple as I will wake up in the morning and say a word of prayer. That's a plan, that's a goal. You know, just get something going in your life. Oh, as little as maybe because most times it's financial.
Oh, I want to learn to make money. Then you have to start thinking of the process on how you can make those money. I want to go back to school. Then go get your GED and other stuff done.
So take it one day at a time. Then the last part, which I like.
That's why I always say journaling is sharing your story, sharing, sharing, sharing, talking to people about what you've been through. Don't be ashamed of your process. Don't be ashamed of where you've been.
Because if you are ashamed of where you've been, you will never rise to the top. So you need to now learn to now be a change agent, to begin to be a change idol to other people.
Tell them how far God has brought you and where you see yourself in the next few years. And then I tell you, healing begins with you.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:That's amazing. Where can people find your book? A pen that rewrites grief and connect with you on social media.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Okay. They can find my book on Amazon. So if you go to Amazon and you write a pen that will rice grief, my book is there.
Then if you go to the website, you can get the E copy on my website, which is grief to grace international.org so you can get a copy of my book there. That the hard copy or the E copy? I know a lot of people love E copies these days. So you can get it from the website on the book. An ebook session.
Then if you want to reach out to me, you can reach me on social media. I'm on Facebook, Ruth Zebra. Or you can go to our page which is Grief to Grace, Grief to Grace, to that letter to Grace. So you find me there.
You can also find us on Instagram Grief M Grace or on tick tock grief underscore two underscore grace. Or on YouTube grief to grace. Or if you type Ruth Hepziba Right there, you'll find my songs, you'll find my books, you'll find everything right there.
On Grief to Grace. So it's quite easy. It's just Grift to grace on all platform.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney: e facing. And Blessings on on:So thank you for what you do.
Dr. Ruth Hephzibah:Thank you so much for what you do, too. Thank you for inviting me here. Thank you for allowing me share my journey with people, with your audience.
And I know that God is taking you places, too. Thank you.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney:Thank you.
